Okay here is my "Duh report", it's had been about three months since I messed with this and I decided I'd try again today and of course it worked when I saw what I had done.
Larry has <li><a href="index.php?p=that">That</a></li> in the menu and three months ago I had left it like that while I looked for the problem. Today when I changed the link to <li><a href="that">That</a></li> it worked like a charm.
So the htaccess would have worked all along, anyway thanks for the help.